I get it. You love your spouse. You are so happy he remembers to give you something, and on this one day of the year especially. But you see, my spouse has been gone for four Valentine Day's now. And it never gets any easier. It's a day I truly wish I could curl up in bed and just hide from the world. And even the week before. I hear it everywhere I go. I see it constantly on Facebook, or Twitter, or even television. It's....difficult.
So what can you do? If you have a friend who has lost their spouse, here are a few suggestions.
- You can call them beforehand and just ask them how they are doing, if they need to talk, if they want company.
- You can send them a card, but for heaven's sake, do not send a Valentine card.
- You can take them out to dinner, a few days beforehand, please, that specific day is one no widow wants to be out.
- You don't have to hide your gifts or happiness from us, but please don't flaunt them, it just reminds us that we will never get another one from our spouse.
- You can continue to be happy with your spouse, because we truly want that for you and are very happy that you can experience that, because we can't.
Mourning never truly ends for us. It is an ongoing journey. And we live with it daily. Valentine's Day is just a reminder of how hard that journey has been and will continue to be.
So, I don't truly hate Valentine's Day, but it does make me very sad and it is a day I can do without. A day I would like to forget. One that has no notation on my calendar.