Are you experiencing grief from the loss of a loved one? Do you feel like your faith is gone? Does God, in fact, love us? I had to ask myself, “Do I still believe there is a God?” many times in the weeks and months following the deaths of my father-in-law, my mother and my husband, Tom, all in one short year.
I’ve broken down some of the answers I was given in those hard times, to three main themes. Faith, Grief, and Love. First some background.
My father in law had been struggling with alcohol, but his death was sudden and completely unexpected, leaving us with a lot of questions. My mother and husband both had long illnesses, leading to their deaths. A week after my husband's death, I was in a doctor's office with my only sibling, getting the news that he had stage four cancer.
My faith was struggling.. Heck I was struggling.
All the hundreds of prayers for healing had gone unanswered, it seemed. I know now that they were answered, just not in the way I wanted them to be. But at the time, it felt like a deafening silence from heaven.
Like no one was home.
I prayed written prayers. I prayed spontaneous prayers. I prayed the Scriptures. I prayed pleading prayers, and I tried, really tried, to believe in miracles. And I felt no comfort, no answers, no response. I wanted that miracle for my Mom and especially for Tom, and it wasn't forthcoming. But as time slipped by, I was given a serious of what I call those “Ah, ha!” moments.
Faith is a very fragile thing. It has to be continually fed, through prayer, Scripture, and Will.
The Bible is full of stories of women and men who persevered through hard times. And although we like to think we could do the same, we seem changed fundamentally by the times we are in. We have the never-ending theme of the 80’s “just do what feels good” playing in the background constantly.
Without prayer, perseverance cannot be sustained and therefore, neither can faith. Prayer is essential to the life of a believer today. It’s time away from the madness of the crowd. Time to ask for answers to life’s problems. Time to share with a higher being who loves us.
Ok, I know there are widows now saying, “hold on just a minute”! Yes, sometimes when we are enmeshed in grief, purpose is the last thing we can find. I know for months after I lost my husband, I asked myself hundreds of times, what exactly am I supposed to be doing now? For as long as I could remember, my goals were simple. I wanted to be a Mom. I wanted to be a Wife. Now my children were grown, and my husband had died. Exactly WHAT was I supposed to be doing with my life? But I’m asking you to keep looking. Keep asking, and persevere in faith. Your purpose will come to you. It may take days, or weeks, or even years. But like the sun rising in the East, it will happen.
In the next few days I will be posting the three main themes I have found with Grief and Love as well. Stay tuned!
Until next time.